A sluggish Sunday

I’m not entirely sure why but whenever I open up the ‘post an entry’ page, I have the strangest urge to start my posts with a David Hewlett style “Hello internets, tis I!” greeting – you’ve seen his vlogs and know what I mean, right?

Let’s see, whats the latest in the Land Of Llama. I did not sleep well last night. Or, at all, really. I went to bed at normal time around 10:30-11:00 or so, gave up and got up around 03:20, was still awake at about 05:30, fell asleep finally just after that and woke up again around 09:00. I’ve been feeling all fuzzy and thick headed all day and yeah my Sunday has been powered by Red Bull.

I spent a lazy morning in bed getting a new layout up here (what do you think of it?), reading blogs and listening to music. I discovered a wonderful playlist on Spotify – yup a 9 hour, 161 song playlist of all 4 seasons worth of soundtrack… What can I say? The show and it’s music has become such a guilty pleasure of mine. I’m about 3/4 of the way through S2 at the moment.
As with all things country music related, I blame Gary Quinn

I tried to take a nap this afternoon but I’m pretty sure it failed. I genuinely don’t know if I fell asleep or not, which was the strangest sensation ever. I felt even fuzzier than I did before I crawled into bed and oh the thumpy head. I dosed it with some caffeine, sugar, chicken pot pie and baked beans then had a lovely soak in a hot bubble bath, reading Poppy Z Brite – Lost Souls and listening to The Life Of Riley.

Now, I’ve taken some painpills and sleeping pills. I’m back on the Nashville playlist. I’m reading a DK Publishing astronomy book called The Planets: The Definitive Visual Guide To Our Solar System. And I’m futzing around on LJ and DW.

How’s your Sunday been?

Yeah, going back to work pretty much killed me this week. However, there have been no disasters and I’m starting to feel like I’m actually getting caught up on things, so there’s that. Hurrah. My routine is getting pretty settled and I’m feeling positive. 🙂

I’m also doing pretty well towards most of my January goals: I avoided the vending machine at work all week, I’ve been drinking at least 1.5l water a day, I only went to Greggs once and I didn’t order in pizza.
I lost 4lb – my weight is down to 207. *cheers*

I also found my fitbit and charger and charged my fitbit and got a baseline of my food and walking over last week. Which means I’ve been able to give myself a goal for the coming week of walking 6050 steps a day or 2.5 miles a day. I’m aiming towards a daily calorie intake of 1300.

I’ve also been writing. As well as that John solo fic, I’ve written like 3k of Jack/Cam and I found and have been editing an old unfinished CW RPS AU fic.

It’s been a good week! 🙂

2017

So 2016 was the year I found my new normal after the last 1/3 of 2015., I got on meds that stabilised me, I found a therapist that really helped me and I’m feeling pretty balanced.

Don’t get me wrong, the year started off disastrously. I attempted suicide. I cut again for the first time in 2 years. I lost a job I loved. My guardian angels have been working overtime to protect me from myself a few points.

But sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to come back.

And I have. I’ve found another job. I’m no longer in danger of losing my nest. I had an amazing holiday with my Natalie. I’ve been to some kick ass cons and met some people very important to me. I discovered that some things I used to be terrified of are no longer as they once we’re.

I may not have been to as many gigs and cons as I would have liked. I don’t have any planned for 2017. But there is some semblance of financial stability in the not too distant future and I will be able to start getting out of debt.

So here is to an awesome 2017! May it be filled with love and laughter and good food and amazing people and all of the things that make us happy

An actual update

Hello everyone.

Long time no post, but I’m pleased to be able to say that I’m doing… pretty ok, actually. I still have the odd bad day but no, things are good. I’m back down to the lowest dosage of my mirtazapine, propranolol is now only 10mg as and when needed and I’m completely off the zopiclone.

I started a new job in June and it’s going really well. I’m a ‘general services clerk’ for a local electrical engineering company supporting facilities/premises, finance and legal. It’s mostly just raising purchase orders, placing orders and sorting post but I’m really enjoying it. It’s 08:00-16:30 Mon-Thurs and 08:00-15:30 on a Friday, and it’s only a 15-20 minute drive from home, depending on traffic. It’s a temp job but the contract keeps being rolled over because the company has a recruitment freeze on… currently my contract is til the end of the year.
I’m not overly fond of the girls in the office – very bitchy – but I’m still in touch with the girls (and Minion from IRW.

I’m currently dorking out obsessively over bulletjournals and planners. I can spend hours watching #planwithme videos on youtube, I find them really relaxing – almost as much fun as actually doing it myself!

And in 10 days and 18 hours, I get on a plane that takes me to San Francisco for 2016’s shenanigans 😀

Weekly Goals

I’ve done my bullet journal set up for next week, I’ve taken my nightly happy/sleepy pill and I’m curled up in bed, reading. Today has been a pretty good day. I achieved pretty much everything on my list and I have my goals and to-do’s for next week set up.

My main goals for next week are:
Increase daily intake of fruit/veg. I tend to suck at getting in my five a day, so I’m going to actively make an effort to do this. Some fruit added to muesli, fruit juice, extra veg with my meals.
Increase daily intake of water. Again, I tend to suck at drinking enough water. I’ve bought a few bottles of flavoured water and I have an alarm set on my phone to refill my damn glass ever hour.
I have a hydrate sticker and a fruits sticker in my planner for the week to track these!
Get my 10k steps in. It was easy when I was at work; between getting to and from the station and walking around the office it was no problem but now… self – there’s a gorgeous park just behind you, go use it to walk around! Hopefully my Fitbit will come this week which will be even more awesome
Catch up on emails/notificiations/flist. Or, make a start, at least
Write and send out Iggle penpal letters and swaps

That doens’t look too terrifying. *takes a deep breath* I also have to post ebay parcels tomorrow and renew library books on Wednesday. There’s a Jason Donovan gig on Wednesday night, a Gary Quinn gig on Friday night and a sci-fi meet-up on Saturday afternoon.
Busy llama is busy!

A desperate plea for help

As many of you know, I have struggled with depression for somewhere in the region of 20 years, and have had a bad run of it over the last couple of months since my mum died. This culminated in a suicide attempt at the beginning of February.

My doctor has kept me signed off work since, and I’ve returned to work this week.

I’ve had an email today from my HR department advising me that I won’t be getting paid for the 5 weeks I’ve been off and they will be deducting £1800 from my wages. This is more than my actual months wages and they will be splitting it over 2 months, deducting £867 gross from my March and April salaries.

This leaves me completely unable to pay my rent, my bills or even get to work. My monthly salary is £1572 gross so taking off the £867 leaves me with £705.50 gross – or about £550 after tax

My basic monthly outgoings come to £950ish a month.

You can see how the maths there doesn’t add up!

As you can imagine, I’m having epic panic right now. I’m trying to get hold of Citizens Advice to find out what options are available to me but I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage.

Please, please, if you’re able to help, every penny is appreciated like you would not believe. I’ve set up a gofundme at https://www.gofundme.com/d3utncj2 because I literally don’t know what else to do

Thank you ❤

Blue his house with a blue little window

I have successfully Sunday-ed.
I did my grocery shopping. Admittedly, I did it online and it’s being delivered tomorrow but, still… I have purchased groceries.
I arranged my car insurance renewal – pain-free and cheap, just the way I like it
I managed to sort, fold and put away all the laundry that had piled up on the chair for the last *cough* 2 months. It hurt my hips but I got it done. It may not sound like much but one small, physical, achievement has me feeling pretty good.

So I treated myself. I walked down to the little Tesco and bought myself a bottle of Dr Pepper and a thing of Millionaire’s Shortbread that was on roll back. Nom nom nom and very nice it was too!

I also finished S2 of Rizzoli & Isles. That’s two seasons in the last week. Oops.
I’m now trying to watch one of Michael Shanks’ movies, The Bouquet, but it is awful – and not the fun kind of awful either.

I’m now trying to write some more of the shapeshifter AU but I’m a little stuck. Trying to hash it out with Natalie to get past this block. It’s frustrating that I’m so close to the end and there’s this bloody great mountain in front of me. GRRRRR

I can’t help but think this is a very boring blogpost so I grabbed the 642 Things To Write About book that Dragon got me for Christmas, and the next prompt is:
The entire neighbourood is beige and grey, but at the end of the street sits a bright blue house. Who lives in there?

Clearly, the person who lives in there is ME. You’ve met me, right, and my love for all things bright and colourful? You’ve been in my house? OK, maybe I wouldn’t have a house that was blue on the outside but on the inside is ALL the colours. I hated being stuck in private rentals where everything was off-white or magnolia or cream or beige, it was so cold and clinical.

For those of you who don’t know… My hall/stairs/landing are blue and yellow, my kitchen is green and grey, my living room is brown and orange. My bedroom when I finish it will be red, black and gold. I’m planning on my bathroom being purple. Not sure about the spare room yet though.