Things did get better on Sunday. I took my anxiety meds, showered, took the pills and potions and went to Tesco once I’d calmed down. I then spent the afternoon curled up on the couch watching Shirley Valentine and Silent Hill.
Yesterday I decided I’d had enough of having a cough and no voice for over a week so I rang the doctors for an appointment. Only to be told I could have one in January. Um… no. Start telling the receptionist that I’m asthmatic and though I had a chest infection only to dissolve into a coughing fit. That managed to get me a call back from the doctor.
When the doctor called, I could barely talk and just coughed lots. He turned around and got me an appointment for the following morning.
9:20 this morning rolls around and I get seen by the doctor on time. Mild fever, blood oxygen and blood pressure normal. Lungs ‘perfectly clear’ and then he looks down my throat. He declares it’s all very red and swollen and angry and that there’s ulcers all around my pharynx. Says I have pharyngitis and laryngitis. That it normally takes 10-15 days to clear so I’m at the half-way mark. Keep hydrated, keep taking paracetamol and soothers. Rest my voice. If it’s not better next week come back.
On the bright side, I don’t have to answer the phones in work! I’ve got my phone set to ‘send all to voicemail’, pick up the messages as they’re left and email people back with ‘sorry, can’t return your call, I’ve got laryngitis’… I’m clearing my backlog of emails and queries nicely which makes me happy.
Tonight… tonight I’m thinking I’m going to stay curled up on my couch and listen to the Spotify ‘Christmas Crackers’ playlist, in an effort to find some Christmas spirit before the weekend. So far there’s been Shakin’ Stevens, Wham!, Wizzard, Paul McCartney, Band Aid and still to come there’s Slade, The Pogues & Kirsty Macoll, Elton John, Michael Buble…
But of course, I can’t sing along 😦
I have a sinking suspicion that today is Not A Good Day.
I’m have a cough/sore throat that I can’t shift
My knees and hips are hurting
I have a psoriasis flare-up
Pretty sure all three are linked. And making me struggle and making me miserable. Worse depression day I’ve had in a while, to be fair.
I’m struggling to get out of bed – if I’m in bed, I don’t have to face the state of my skin right now – and the thought of leaving the house has this tightness in my chest.
But I need to get groceries.
And I know how busy Tesco is going to be.
And I have a rash on my face – still feel a little self-conscious from the pharmacist commenting on it yesterday, even though I know it was a professional statement. I’d said that it normally presented as a rash on my elbows but that it had spread everywhere and he replied that yes, he could see it was even on my face.
It’s just… not pleasant, y’know?
I’m exhausted because I’m not sleeping – coughing myself awake or waking up because something’s itching.
Logically, I know I need to get up, shower, slather on the lotions, take meds… take an anxiety med and just… take it from there.
I’m just trying to figure out… how
I’m still not doing well – physically, mentally or emotionally. And, well, it’s been a while since I’ve even logged ito this blog. To be honest, I’m not in the mindset for it right now so I’m going to take a little break.
But don’t worry, I WILL be back. I’m just taking a small break while I keep making my health a priority right now
I am slowly starting to feel more llama like. I’m still not sleeping right, as is noted by the 1am posting of this update. I got to sleep at 05:00 this morning (or, yesterday morning) and slept through til 10:00 – I’m not feeling as exhausted though. I’m hoping that as I get back my days into a routine, the nights will come too. I’m also pondering just pushing through and doing an all nighter tonight, no naps tomorrow and hopefully crashing tomorrow night. We’ll see, we’ll see.
My mood is definitely improving. I’ve gone a whole day without bursting into floods of tears over absolutely nothing. I even had reason to cry today and I didn’t.
I had to go to the doctors to pick up some paperwork, and as I was driving there and back, Lotte was running hot. Just as I get home, ping! She completely overheats and a big red ‘stop’ light comes on. I have a little flail then call the AA. Seems my baby girl has a coolant leak because there’s a crack in the thermostat housing. The good news, however, is that it’s covered under the warranty from when the thermostat and radiator were replaced a few months ago.
I can’t even find a way to blame Raintown this time… the fact I was listening to their CD is a bit of a push since it lives in the car
And now I have a shiny little VW Polo courtesy/hire car for a couple of days. It’s so small, but omg it’s so new and has all the gadgets and things to play with! It makes me want a new car and then I feel bad because I do really love my Lotte. I’m just frustrated with her a little right now. *sigh*
Apologies for the lack of updates over the last week. I’ve been a bit unwell. I’ve been signed off work for the last two weeks, spent a couple of days in hospital but I’m doing better now. I’ve struggled with my depression and fatigue since I had the flu last month and just hadn’t been able to pull myself back up. I’ve been tired, utterly exhausted, constantly, only not able to sleep. And because I’ve been so tired, I wasn’t able to cope with the depression.
It turns out that I am pretty damn anemic, which explains a lot. I’m on some lovely iron pills, 200mg, 3x a day for the next two months. Can I just say that my tummy kinda hates me now.
I’ve had my dosage of my antidepressants and my sleeping pills increased. And oh the sleeping pills are working wonderfully… they knocked me out for 14hrs last night and it felt heavenly.
The increased dose of the anti-depressant is definitely working and I’m starting to find balance. Work is arranging for me to start counselling, so that could be interesting.
I’m also pre-diabetic, only just tipped over into the warning so I’ve got an appointment with a diabetes nurse to discuss methods to try to combat it, hopefully try to stop me from developing diabetes in the first place. I sat down and talked with a friend yesterday who is diabetic and learned a LOT from her about carbohydrates so will be putting that into action myself over the coming weeks.
Hopefully things will start to even out in my head and I’ll get back to normal – or what passes for normal around here.
I’m pleased to report I’m officially still nuts! 🙂
I had a depression check-up with my GP this morning. He’s very pleased with how I’m reacting to the Propanolo and the Sertraline. We’re sticking with the current cause of treatment for the foreseeable future. We discussed the trouble I’ve been having sleeping and he wants me to start keeping a sleep log, how well I’m sleeping, what’s preying on my mind when I can’t, stress levels and stuff.
Last night I fell asleep on the couch watching Rizzoli & Isles 1×04… so I’ve no idea who killed the ded girl. And I had a lie-in this morning so that was nice. I’ve not been feeling too tired throughout the day and I feel normal levels of tiredness for 8:30 in the evening.
I’m sitting with my legs up, eating Macaroni Cheese that I just cooked and watching last night’s episode of The X Files. Then I’ll go back and rewatch Rizzoli & Isles and find out who the killer was.
Another exciting night in the life of Cassie!